Joke 1: The Country Groom’s One Dealbreaker
A young country guy had just tied the knot and was looking forward to his wedding night with stars in his eyes. That evening, his new bride walked out in the most jaw-dropping piece of lingerie he’d ever seen — the kind that would make a preacher stutter.
She smiled sweetly and said, “Just so you know… you’ll be the first and last man I’ll ever be with.”
The groom froze. His jaw dropped. Then, without a word, he put his boots back on, grabbed his coat, and led his wife straight to his pickup. He drove her right back to her parents’ place and left her at the front door.
Not long after, his dad called, clearly confused. “Son, what in the world’s going on?”
The groom replied, fuming, “If she ain’t been good enough for her own kin, she sure as heck ain’t good enough for ours!”
Video: Funny Joke: A redneck from Kentucky gets married
Joke 2: A Loyal Man Even When Drunk
Bill woke up feeling like his head had been hit by a freight train. His eyes barely opened, and yet — there they were — a glass of water and two painkillers sitting on the nightstand like tiny angels.
He slowly sat up and noticed his clothes laid out neatly beside him — clean, ironed, and folded. The bedroom was spotless. Not a pillow out of place. It didn’t feel like a disaster zone, it felt like… paradise.
Stumbling to the kitchen, he found a hot breakfast waiting on the stove, the coffee brewed, and the morning paper perfectly folded. His teenage son sat at the table, munching cereal.
Bill blinked. “Okay, what happened last night?”
His son chuckled, “You came home a total mess, Dad. Around 3 AM. Loud, slurring, knocked over a lamp, threw up in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye walking into the doorframe.”
Video: Bill wakes up at home with a black eye and a huge hang… (Joke Of The Day) | Funny Short Jokes 2023
Bill looked around again, confused. “Then why is the house so clean? Why am I not sleeping on the lawn?”
The kid shrugged. “Oh, that? When Mom tried to help you out of your pants, you looked her dead in the eye and slurred, ‘Ma’am, don’t touch me — I’m a married man!’”