1. The Woman Celebrating Her Health

A woman in her late thirties was at home, gleefully bouncing around her bedroom without a stitch on, laughing and squealing with joy.

Her husband watched her for a moment and finally asked, “Do you realize how ridiculous you look? What’s gotten into you?”

Still jumping, she said, “I just had a mammogram, and the doctor told me not only am I perfectly healthy, but my breasts look as youthful as an eighteen-year-old’s.”

The husband replies, “What did he say about your 42-year old bum?”

“Your name never came up,” she replied.

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2. The Divorced Woman and the Genie’s Twist

A woman recently divorced was strolling along the beach, bitter about her disappointing settlement, when she spotted an old lamp washed ashore.

Out of curiosity, she rubbed it, and a genie appeared.

Noticing her frustration, the genie let her vent all her troubles.

Then he said, “I will grant you three wishes. But there’s a catch: since I don’t believe in divorce, your ex-husband will receive ten times whatever you ask for.”

Fuming but hopeful, she made her first wish—a billion dollars.

Instantly, the money appeared before her, but the genie reminded her, “Your ex now has ten billion.”

Her anger growing, she wished for a gorgeous mansion on a private beach.

It materialized immediately, but again the genie said, “Your ex owns ten of those now.”

Thinking hard about her final wish, she took her time.

Finally, with a mischievous smile, she told the genie her last wish: “I want to have twins.”

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