1. Bright Ideas at the Construction Site

Pat and Mike were working on a construction job together. One morning, Pat turned to Mike and said,
“I’ve had enough. I’m going to act like I’ve lost it so I can skip out for the day.”

Before Mike could respond, Pat climbed up onto the scaffolding, dangled upside down, and started shouting,
“I’M A LIGHTBULB! LOOK AT ME—I’M A LIGHTBULB!”

The site manager stared up in disbelief before yelling,
“Pat, you’ve clearly lost your marbles. Get off the site and go home!”

Without a word, Pat climbed down, grabbed his stuff, and left.

Video: Paddy and Murphy are havin’ a pint in the pub

Seeing this, Mike began packing up his tools too. The foreman spotted him and shouted,
“Where do you think you’re going?”

Mike shrugged and said,
“Well, I can’t work in the dark, can I?”

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2. Blame It on the Cat

A man walked into his house, visibly anxious. There was a fresh scratch across his chest—courtesy of his side affair’s nails—and he needed a quick cover story before his wife saw it.

Just as he stepped inside, he spotted their cat snoozing on the couch. In a flash of panic, he gave the poor thing a hard kick.

The cat yowled and bolted out the door.

Seconds later, his wife came in from the kitchen.
“What on earth was that noise?” she asked.

Video: The Blame Game

Looking flustered, the husband replied,
“That crazy cat attacked me out of nowhere! Jumped right on my chest and clawed me. Just look at this mess!”

His wife raised an eyebrow and calmly said,
“Well done, then. That same lunatic bit my backside and even left a hickey on my neck earlier today.”