1. On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change.
The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe.
The proud husband says, “My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.”
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished.” Oh, oh, aaaahhh,” he exclaims, “My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture.“
Puzzled she asks, “My picture?”
He answers, “Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever”.
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, “Why do you wear a robe? We are married now.”
At that, the man opens his robe and she exclaims, “oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture”.
He beams and asks why and she answers, “So I can get it enlarged!”
Video: 😊BEST JOKE OF THE DAY! – On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change and…
2. A traveling salesman’s car breaks down way…
A traveling salesman’s car breaks down way out in farm country late in the evening.
Luckily he’s not too far from a quaint little farmhouse, so he goes and knocks on the door. The farmer and his wife answer the door, quite sympathetic to the salesman’s plight.
They let him use their phone to call a tow company. Unfortunately the truck couldn’t come out until morning, so the couple offer to let him stay with them overnight. They don’t have a guest room, but their bed is large enough to fit three comfortably, so the salesman accepts gratefully.
A couple hours after going to bed, the wife turns to the salesman and whispers, “I want you!”
He answers, “But your husband is right there!”
She replies, “Pluck a hair from his butt. If he doesn’t wake up, we can do it.”
He plucks a hair; the farmer doesn’t stir, and they quietly have s*x.
A couple hours later, she says “I want you again!”
He plucks another hair from the farmer’s butt, getting no reaction, so they have s*x again.
Another couple hours later, she says, “I want you one last time before you go!”
And as the salesman reaches to pluck a hair, the farmer tiredly says, “Look, man, I don’t mind if you do my wife, but could you please stop using my ass as a scoreboard?”
3. Offer, Retracted.
A good-looking guy is sitting in a bar, sipping a whiskey. He notices a gorgeous woman at the end of the bar, talking with a friend. He calls over a waiter, and sends them both a martini, along with a note asking for the gorgeous woman’s phone number.
Ten minutes later, the friend walks over with a note. It reads:
“Unless you have a Mercedes parked outside, a million bucks in the bank, and eight inches in your pants, you’re not getting anything from me.”
Video: Jokes – A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the co
The man finishes his whiskey, considering his response. He then writes this down on a piece of paper, hands it to the friend, and walks out:
“Actually, I only have about $300k in the bank; most of my net worth is in the three dozen buildings I own downtown. And today, I’m driving the Porsche; the Benz, Hummer, and Lamborghini are currently at my summer residence.
But If you think I’m cutting off two inches for you, you can fuck right off.”
