1. The Parrots’ “Answered Prayers”

One afternoon a woman nervously approached her parish priest.

“Father,” she began, cheeks turning red, “I need some advice. I own two female parrots… and they only ever repeat one sentence.”

The priest tilted his head. “What do they say?”

She exhaled, clearly embarrassed. “They squawk, ‘Hi, we’re ladies of the night! Want to have some fun?’”

The priest nearly dropped his Bible. “That’s… rather shocking!” He paused, thinking. Then his eyes lit up. “I have an idea. I keep two male parrots, Francis and Job, who are practically saints. They pray all day and even recite scripture. If we put your two in their cage, maybe the boys can inspire them to pray instead of… well, that.”

Relieved, the woman smiled. “Oh Father, what a blessing—thank you!”

The next day she carried her birds to the rectory. Inside the priest’s study, Francis and Job sat calmly with rosary beads, murmuring prayers.

The woman gently set her parrots inside the cage. For a moment, there was silence. Then the females piped up together:

“Hi, we’re ladies of the night! Want to have some fun?”

The room went still.

Slowly, one male parrot turned to the other, lowered his rosary beads, and said in a low voice:

👉 “Frank, put the beads away. Looks like our prayers just got answered.”

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2. The “Stinky” Traffic Stop

Not long ago my son and I were cruising through Sarasota when flashing lights appeared in the rearview.

Yep, I knew why—I was going a little too fast. 🙄

But what happened next was straight out of a comedy sketch.

My son had recently gotten one of those gag “fart spray” bottles for Christmas. The instructions clearly read: Two sprays only.

Of course, he decided that five sounded way more fun. 💨💨💨💨💨

As the officer strolled toward our car, the smell hit like a brick wall. By the time he reached the window, the air inside could’ve stripped paint.

He leaned in to ask why I was speeding, then stopped cold mid-sentence.

“Good Lord… what is that smell?!” 🤢💩

I quickly said, “Officer… my boy’s having a bit of a stomach emergency.”

His eyes widened. I barely began explaining—“He’s been complaining of cramps and I’m just trying to get him ho—” when the poor man reeled back, covering his face.

“Oh no! This kid needs an ambulance!” he gasped.

I was biting my lip to keep from bursting out laughing. The officer looked like he was about to call in a hazmat crew.

Finally, with all the seriousness in the world, he waved me on.

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“Drive carefully. Don’t speed. But… I get it. That’s awful. I’ll escort you home!” 🚔

So with lights flashing, he led us all the way back to our house.

No ticket. No lecture.

When we parked, he remained in his squad car, watching my son shuffle toward the door clutching his stomach like he was about to explode. The officer winced in sympathy as if he felt the pain himself. 🤣

Best Christmas prank ever: no ticket, a free police escort, and a story that’s going to be retold for years.