Sometimes love doesn’t go the distance, and breakups can get messy. One man thought ending his marriage with a simple letter would spare him drama—but he clearly underestimated his wife. What she wrote back? Legendary.

His Goodbye Letter

Dear Wife,

I’m writing to let you know I’ve decided to leave you. After seven years of marriage, I’ve reached my limit. I’ve tried being patient, loving, and understanding—but I have nothing to show for it anymore.

The past couple of weeks made things crystal clear. I heard from your boss today that you quit your job, and honestly, that was the final straw.

Last week, I made an effort—I got a fresh haircut, made your favorite dinner, and even put on brand-new silk boxers to surprise you.

But when you got home, you barely looked at me, scarfed down dinner in under two minutes, then disappeared to watch your soap operas before falling asleep. No hugs, no “I love you,” not even a glance.

I don’t know if you’ve stopped loving me or started loving someone else. Either way, I’m out.

Goodbye and good luck.

– Your (now) Ex-Husband

P.S. Don’t bother looking for me. I’ve already left town with your sister. We’re starting a new life in West Virginia.

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Her Epic Response

Dear Ex-Husband,

Thank you for your letter. I can’t lie—it truly made my day. You’re right, we were married for seven years. But calling yourself a “good man”? Let’s just say that’s a stretch.

I watch TV so often because it helps me tune out your never-ending complaints. You might think you were being ignored, but really, I was preserving my sanity.

I saw your new haircut. It made you look like a teenage girl, but since my mama taught me to keep quiet if I don’t have anything nice to say, I held my tongue.

As for that meal you so proudly prepared—newsflash: I stopped eating pork the year we got married. Maybe you meant to cook it for my sister?

And the silk boxers? I did notice them. The price tag was still dangling, and you paid exactly $49.99—coincidentally, the same amount my sister “borrowed” that morning.

Even after all that, I believed we could work through things. In fact, I was planning a surprise of my own. I had just won $10 million in the lottery. That’s right. Ten. Million. Dollars.

I quit my job to celebrate and bought two tickets to Jamaica—for us.

But then I came home and found your note. Honestly? It saved me a lot of effort.

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Turns out, everything happens for a reason.

By the way, my lawyer saw your letter and said it guarantees you won’t get a single cent from the jackpot. I’ll be enjoying the sun and cocktails solo… and very rich.

Best wishes for your new life.

– Your Ex-Wife, Happier Than Ever (and Filthy Rich)

P.S. You might want to ask your new “girlfriend” a few questions. Carla wasn’t always Carla. Hope that’s cool with you.