1. The Elephant’s Womb

Four farmers were having drinks in a quiet country tavern. At the next table sat a young woman sipping her soda.

The first farmer leaned in and said, “Pretty sure it’s pronounced woomb.”
The second shook his head. “No way—it’s definitely woooombh.”
The third chuckled. “You’re both off. It’s simply woom.”
The fourth crossed his arms. “You’re all wrong. It has to be woommmmmb.”

The young woman finally slammed down her glass, walked over and said, “Gentlemen, it’s womb—plain and simple. End of discussion.” She then marched out.

Silence followed. After a beat, one farmer muttered, “Hmph… what would she know? Bet she’s never even heard an elephant pass gas!”.

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2. The Blame Goes to the Dog

A young man brought his fiancée home to meet his parents. During dinner, the girl accidentally let out a small fart.

The father immediately frowned and barked, “Rocky!”

Relieved that the family dog under the table got the blame, the young woman relaxed—until another little toot escaped.

The father scowled. “Rocky! Watch yourself!”

Now completely unworried, she released yet another one.

Throwing down his napkin in frustration, the father shouted, “Rocky, move before she does something worse right on top of you!”

3. Clean as Cold Water

John drove deep into the hills of West Virginia to visit his ninety-year-old granddad. After an evening of catching up, the old man served breakfast: chicken, eggs, and toast.

John noticed a cloudy film on his plate. “Grandpa, are you sure these plates are clean?”

“Boy,” the old man replied, “they’re as clean as cold water’ll get ’em. Eat up!”

At lunch, Grandpa grilled cheeseburgers. Again, John eyed dried egg specks on his dish. “Are you positive these are clean?”

Without looking up, Grandpa repeated, “Told you—cold water gets ’em as clean as they’re gonna be. Quit worryin’.”

Video : funny jokes : John visited his 90-year-old grandpa who lived way out in the country…

Later that day, as John headed for town, the dog growled and blocked the path to his car.

“Grandpa, your dog won’t let me by!” John yelled.

Eyes still on the TV, the old man called out, “Coldwater, lie down and let the boy through!”