1. The Golden Pub
A guy staggers home late at night, clearly drunk.
His wife greets him at the door with suspicion:
“Where on earth have you been?”
He grins and slurs, “At the Golden Pub! They’ve got golden chairs, golden mugs, golden beer… even a golden urinal!”
His wife doesn’t buy it. The next morning, she phones the place.
“Do you have golden chairs?” she asks.
“Yep.”
“Do you have golden mugs?”
“Sure do.”
“Do you serve golden beer?”
“Of course.”
“And… do you have a golden urinal?”
There’s silence for a moment. Then she hears someone yell in the background:
“Hey, we’ve found the guy who peed in your saxophone!”
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2. The News Bet
Bob strolls into a sports bar at 9:58 PM, grabs a seat beside a blonde, and fixes his eyes on the TV.
The 10 o’clock news is just starting, showing a man standing on the edge of a tall building, looking like he might jump.
The blonde turns to Bob: “Do you think he’ll actually do it?”
Bob replies, “Yep, I’ll bet he jumps.”
She smirks. “Fine. I’ll put $20 on him staying put.”
They slap their bills on the counter.
Seconds later, the man swan-dives off the building.
Upset but honest, the blonde sighs and hands Bob the $20.
“Fair’s fair. You won.”
Bob shakes his head. “I can’t take this. I already saw this on the 5 PM news. I knew he’d jump.”
The blonde gasps: “So did I! But I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Bob pockets the money.
3. Moon or Sun?
Two very drunk men are stumbling down the street.
One points upward and says dreamily, “Wow… what a gorgeous night. Look at the moon!”
The other squints, shakes his head, and slurs, “You idiot, that’s not the moon. That’s the sun!”
They start bickering until they run into another drunk wobbling their way.
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“Hey buddy,” they ask, “help us out. Up there in the sky… is that the moon or the sun?”
The third drunk stares up for a long moment, scratches his head, and says:
“Sorry… I don’t live around here.”