1. The Golfer’s New Arm

An elderly golf enthusiast was in a serious car crash and rushed to the hospital. As he lay on the operating table, the surgeon approached him with a solemn face.

“I’ve got some bad news… and some good news,” the doctor said.

The old golfer gulped nervously. “Let’s start with the bad one.”

“I’m afraid we’ll have to remove your right arm,” the doctor replied gently.

Tears welled up in the old man’s eyes. “Oh no… that’s the end of my golfing days! Please, Doc, what’s the good news?”

The surgeon smiled. “We can give you a new arm. But there’s a catch — it’s a woman’s arm. I’ll need your permission before we proceed.”

The golfer thought for a long moment, then sighed. “If it lets me hold a club again, do it.”

The operation went perfectly. A year later, the golfer was back on the green when he happened to bump into the same doctor.

“Well, well!” the surgeon said cheerfully. “How’s that new arm treating you?”

“Better than ever!” the old man said with a big grin. “I’m playing the best golf of my life! My short game is perfect, my swing is smoother than it’s ever been!”

“That’s amazing!” the doctor said, clearly delighted.

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“Oh, it gets better,” the man continued proudly. “My handwriting’s neater, I’ve learned to sew, and I’ve even started painting the most beautiful watercolors!”

The surgeon laughed. “Sounds like the transplant worked out perfectly. Any problems at all?”

The golfer scratched his head. “Only two small ones,” he admitted. “I can’t parallel park worth a damn… and every time I get an erection, I get a splitting headache.”

2. The Englishman, the Irishman, and the Magic Trick

An Englishman and an Irishman walked into a bakery filled with the smell of fresh bread. Spotting a tray of warm buns on the counter, the Englishman’s eyes lit up.

“Watch this,” he whispered with a smirk.

In one smooth motion, he grabbed three buns, stuffed them into his pockets, and walked out proudly.

Outside, he nudged the Irishman. “See that? Didn’t even get caught! That’s what I call stealth.”

The Irishman chuckled. “Stealth? Please. That’s just stealing. Let me show you how it’s really done.”

Curious, the Englishman followed him back inside.

The Irishman walked right up to the bakery owner and said confidently, “Good morning! Care to see a magic trick that’ll blow your mind?”

The owner raised an eyebrow. “A magic trick, eh? Alright, go ahead.”

The Irishman smiled charmingly. “For this trick, I’ll need three of your finest buns.”

The owner handed him a bun. The Irishman ate it immediately. Then he asked for another, ate that too. And finally, he ate the third one with a satisfied grin.

The bakery owner’s expression turned sour. “That’s your trick? You just ate my buns!”

The Irishman’s grin widened as he pointed at the Englishman. “Ah, but the magic’s not over. Check his pockets.”

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