1. The Blonde Joke the Marine Didn’t Tell
An elderly Marine who had lost his sight wandered by mistake into a biker bar that happened to be packed with women. Not realizing where he was, he felt his way to a stool, sat down, and asked the bartender for a shot of Jack Daniels.
After taking his first sip, he suddenly called out, “Hey, anyone want to hear a joke about blondes?”
The lively bar instantly fell silent.
A calm but firm voice spoke from right beside him: “Before you say anything else, you might want to know a few details.”
The voice continued in a measured tone:
- “The bartender is a blonde—and she keeps a baseball bat handy.”
- “The bouncer is also blonde.”
- “I’m a blonde myself, stand six feet tall, weigh 175 pounds, and hold a black belt in karate.”
- “The woman on your left is a professional weightlifter and, yes, she’s blonde too.”
- “And the lady on your right? A blonde professional wrestler.”
The Marine paused, letting the information sink in. After a thoughtful moment he gave a small chuckle and said, “You know what? Never mind. I’d rather not have to explain the joke five times.”
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2. Three Beers for Three Brothers
A cowboy straight out of Texas wandered into a Montana saloon and asked for three mugs of Budweiser. He carried them to a table in the corner and, one by one, took turns sipping from each mug.
When he returned for another round of three, the bartender leaned over and said, “Just a tip—beer goes flat fast. You might enjoy it more if you order them one at a time.”
The cowboy grinned and replied, “I’ve got two brothers—one living in Arizona and the other in Colorado. When we all left Texas, we promised that whenever any of us had a drink, we’d each have one for the other two. So these three beers? One for each brother, and one for me.”
The bartender, touched by the ritual, simply nodded. From then on the cowboy became a regular, always ordering three beers and drinking them in turn.
Then one day he surprised everyone by ordering only two mugs. The place grew quiet as curious patrons exchanged worried looks.
When he came back for his second round, the bartender gently said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences.”
The cowboy blinked, then burst into hearty laughter. “Oh no, nobody died,” he said with a grin. “It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church, so I quit drinking. But my brothers? They’re still at it!”
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