1. A married couple is sleeping
A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 AM.
The wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies, “How am I supposed to know? We’re 200 miles inland!” and hangs up.
Her husband rolls over and asks,
“Sweetheart, who was that?”
“I don’t know, some dumb b!tch asking if the coast is clear.”
2. Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.”
She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”
3. Two bored male casino dealers are waiting at the craps table…
Two bored male casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blond woman arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.
She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” With that, she strips down, rolls the dice, and yells, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!” As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals, “YES! YES! I WON, I WON!”
She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, “What did she roll?” The other answers, “I don’t know—I thought you were watching.”
4. A 60 year old millionaire got married with a 20 year old model…
A 60 year old millionaire got married with a 20 year old model.
When his friends asked him how he did it, he said: “I lied about my age.”
They then asked: “Ah, so you said you were 40?” He answered: “No I said I was 90.”
Video: 🤣Best Jokes | A 70 year old millionaire got married with a 20 year old model. #loljokes
5. An irate woman burst into the baker’s shop…
An irate woman burst into the baker’s shop and said, “I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales.” The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied”
“Ma’am, I suggest you weigh your son.”
